Writing
A few of my favorites...
cross your legs.
wear a belt.
practice your punch.
that's how you have to prepare.
we might not be fighting like our ancestors across the sea,
but we are fighting a war of our own.
instead of Nazis,
it's men who don't know what no means.
it's teenage boys who want to 'hit that' without your consent.
instead of taking cover in a bunker,
we must ball up under our covers.
cause once you've been attacked,
you can never escape the PTSD.
he opened your legs.
he unbuckled your belt.
& he held down your fist.
but don't tell anyone,
we must keep our battles a secret.
society tells us to be ashamed,
so we listen.
you lost the war,
you aren't a victor.
just another victim.
so get over it,
& start training for your next battle.
"one of my first poems with a SA theme"
-sae
c. 2018
Sae Cacic
"written at my lowest...this is when i first started using poetry as a coping mechanism"
-sae
c. 2018
loving you scares me,
but you don't.
is that why this love confuses me?
because it isn’t mixed with fear.
i've never loved a man that I haven't been afraid of.
so can I even call this love?
i think of you night and day,
i couldn't imagine life without you,
& you are good.
so maybe that means i don't love you?
i run to you,
not away from you.
so how do i know if this is love?
for once in my life i'm not terrified of the man i fall asleep next to.
& i love that.
so does that also mean i could love you?
maybe this kind of love was the goal all along,
the thing i had searched for in the arms of my abusers.
you pick up where they fell short.
i knew i loved them,
but i also knew to fear them.
i never fear you.
does that mean i may never love you?
it's not your fault?
don't be sad?
i'm sorry?
what are you supposed to say when you plan on never speaking again?
what words are you supposed to utter when you know they are going to be your last?
goodbye?
that seems to short,
fitting, cause it's as short as the life you plan on living.
no, too ironic.
don't forget about me?
how could you say that, when all you wanna do is forget?
that's not right either.
too hypocritical.
maybe that's why people decide to live
not because they're brave
not because they're selfless.
but because they can't say their last words if they don't know what to say.
maybe they're just like me,
tongue tied.
Sae Cacic
"wrote this while trying to relearn what love means"
-sae
c. 2022
Sae Cacic